Sunday, July 17, 2016

#selepasduabulanlebihkurangtambahtolakdarabbahagikemudiannya

Greetings.

I feel like in need of space and time to rant everything, but I don't really know what the heck am I gonna rant about. I just happen to feel that way. I fucked up. Really.

That fucking moment when you fucking doubted your fucking self, are you really gonna fucking do this? *sorry for the fucks, it just felt more satisfying when expressing things so, yeah* Chemistry? Or are you actually having a bigger and far more interest and also passion in Islamic studies?

I really do missed Arabic language, Syari'ah Islamiah and Quran sunnah, so much. Bila dah tak belajaq semua tu kadang2 rasa macam jauh dari agama pun ada gak. Quran pun dah jarang murajaah, malunya bernafas atas muka bumi free2 ja macam ni. Pft. I hated myself for some reasons, huks.

Rasa macam bebas sangat hidup kat Lenggong ni. Kan kc? Rasa nak buat, buat, rasa malaih, haram tak buat. Lol. You don't have your own schedule, that's why. Zaman ke-futur-an kembali nampaknya, or sebenarnya zaman tu masih berjalan, daripada zaman kat maktab, bawak ke zaman kerja, bawak ke sekarang? Tudia trivia. Allahu. Tapi kalau buat jadual pun, nahhai punya la baloq nak buat satu pun. Tengok saja ah la ni, aku dok meroyan kat sini, homeworks satu pun aku tak sentuh. Hang nak jadi apa ni kc? Hidup buat apa lah kalau dok buat perangai lagu ni. Haihhhh sakai.

Sumpah la I don't feel like I'm belonged here. I don't feel like I'm destined to be here, or what not. Pfft. Belajaq maths balik buat aku rasa betapa lembab dan boddddddohnya kepala hotak aku ni berjalan. When others keeps on gaining, I don't feel the same. The only feeling was being dumb and dumber. Wtfish. Maths, one thing. English? Taktau nak kata apa, my TOEFL results are not satisfying myself. I don't feel secure with the results, yet the exam's just around the corner, 27th August. It's about, a month more less? Oh myyyyyyy, I'm feeling so demotivated by now. Requirement 90/120 to fly for TOEFL while 1200/1600 for SAT. For the past TOEFL practise, 80-77-85-87-94. Ya allah, rasa cam nak mati je tengok result sendiri pastu tengok result orang lain. Haaaaaaa go die la kc. Huaaaaa

);

 Maths punya 1st quiz, boleh gagah. Mai ja 2nd topic, haa menggagau. Result tak kluaq lagi dah bleh agak kata aku fail. Wtfish. Ni semua baru rant pasai akademik ja ni tak rant pasai love life dgn surrounding dengan peers lagi haaaaa brapa panjang taktau ah satni jadi dia. Ergggghhh rasa serabut takyah baca ah pi main jauh2. Huhuhu. Masuk bab peers. Awat nak down dengan peers?

1. Most of 'em are BKP's, especially BWP.
2. Result depa semua gempak2 wehhhhhh pakat straight A's. Dah la straight A's, A+ bersepah pulak tu.
3. Depa semua speaking hebat2 weh mau aku tak insecure duduk dengan depa ni. Ngaaaaa sakai
4. Pakat2 otak cekang maths. Memang boleh mati kalau dengaq hat sama2 otai sembang pasai maths, aku tak exaggerate, benda betoi. Tobat lahom benda betoi. Boleh bayang kot, kalau orang sembang pasai benda lain, depa sembang, pasai MATHEMATICS. Set2 boleh bawak keluaq soalan tak payah tengok kitab, jawab soalan tak pakai kalkulator ni ya allah.
5. Makhluk2 rajin sentiasa tanpa gagal setiap masa tiada had. Pandai2 interprete. Aku malaih nak explain.

Aku sumpah dok nampak depa semua ataih pada aku. Takdak ruang weh nak mencelah. 😭😭😭😭

Love life? Amboi. Masuk ja madpp teruih ada love life. Awat selama ni tadak pernah ada pun? Okay tajuk ni bahaya sikit, explicit. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA bodo kc. Tadak ah, biasa la bab hati. Macam biasa jugak, manusia datang dan pergi. Tapi kali ni mcm laju pulak hat mai pastu pi ni. Main perasaan betul. Tapi dia stop, pastu kadang2 dia kacau balik seminit dua. Nampak dak complicated dia kat situuuuuuu pft. Belajaq la kc weh, hahaha. Bongok. Balik us kawen lah kalut pa 👊👊👊 Eh, salah2. Sampai jodoh kawen ah kalut padia. Haaa baru betoi. Lol. Aku rasa nak tikam diri sendiri bila bukak bab ni. Mohon diri sendiri berhenti segera sebelum kena tikam sungguh dari dalam, mau naya kot dok tak duduk pisau kot dalam tembuih keluaq. Bodo woi stop la. HAHAHAHAHA

Nak buat homework, tapi lapaq. Tapi malaih. Tapi baloq. Tapiiiiii tadak orang nak motivate. Makin lama makin ngada weh, apa nak jadi niiiii haaaaaaaaa. Tapi en weh, aku sumpah kadang2 ada urge nak keluaq MADPP. Kadang2 rasa nyesai pun ada gak masuk sini, kadang2 rasa nyesai tak keluaq pi masuk uia, sambung asasi arab. Benda minat, lain weh. Minat kimia macam berkurang ja masuk sini. Ya allahhhhh apa aku dah buat dalam hidup ni haaaaaa 😭😭😭 Teriak jugak satgi ni punca ja. Dah la esok jadual packed nak mati.

0830 - 1030 : English
1100 - 1300 : Maths
1430 - 1630 : Maths
2000 - 2200 : PAI

Dak la ni bila masa hang nak start buat keja ni? *lari bukak module madpp*

2 comments:

  1. "You are living in someone's dream",
    "Allah's plans are out our thinking limit so just follow His plan, then you will see what does His will lead you to",
    Be strong la mirah, don't give up!

    ReplyDelete

Kata2 hikmat dari anda???